Matrescence: The Hidden Journey of Becoming and Being a Mother

Motherhood is often portrayed in society in extremes: the glowing “mother goddess,” effortlessly nurturing and serene, or the struggling, overwhelmed mother battling post-partum depression. These narratives are incomplete, unhelpful, and often leave mothers feeling invisible, isolated, or judged. Yet, there is a profound transformation that occurs when a woman becomes a mother - a journey that encompasses every facet of life, identity, and being. This process has a name: matrescence.

What Is Matrescence?

The term matrescence was coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s to describe the profound, transformative process of becoming a mother. Just as adolescence represents a transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence is a developmental stage - a rite of passage - marking the transition from maidenhood to motherhood. It is a universal experience, yet profoundly unique to each individual, influenced by personal histories, cultural contexts, and societal expectations.

Matrescence is not a single moment in time but an ongoing process. It evolves continually as a mother navigates pregnancy, childbirth, the early years of childrearing, the arrival of siblings, and the changing needs of children over time. Each phase invites reassessment of goals, values, relationships, and self-perception.

The Hidden Struggles of Motherhood

Despite its universality, matrescence is largely unacknowledged by culture. Unlike adolescence, which is culturally recognised and supported, motherhood is assumed to be “natural” and instinctive. When mothers experience confusion, doubt, or distress, they are often left without language or frameworks to articulate these experiences. Without this language, feelings of isolation and inadequacy can intensify. Many mothers internalise the belief, “It must be me. I’m not cut out for this,” which can lead to shame, disconnection, and challenges to mental health.

While matrescence has always existed, contemporary motherhood comes with unique challenges and additional pressures. The ideology of intensive mothering - which promotes constant attention, emotional labour, and the prioritisation of children above all else - combined with societal messaging about self-care as time away from children, creates a tension. Mothers may struggle to reconcile the intrinsic desire to be close to their children with the cultural expectation that they must cultivate an identity separate from motherhood. This paradox leaves many feeling pulled in impossible directions: to be a devoted mother while also “finding themselves” outside of motherhood.

Technology and social media add another layer. While they connect mothers to information and wider communities, they can also highlight unrealistic expectations, create comparison, and amplify the sense of being “not enough.” At the same time, physical distance from kin networks reduces the informal and multi-generational support that once guided early motherhood, leaving many navigating these shifts largely alone.

Marketing and cultural ideals promote the image of the “perfect mother” while reducing practical support. This environment can create a perfect storm for difficulties with maternal mental health and a the ability to experience a motherhood that aligns with your true values, wants and needs.

Why Understanding Matrescence Matters

Recognising matrescence transforms the way a mother sees herself and her experience. It provides a framework to understand that the profound shifts she is undergoing are not a sign of failure but a natural, human developmental process. Just as society gives adolescents compassion for their growing pains, mothers benefit from validation and understanding when navigating the turbulence of matrescence.

Understanding this process also creates opportunities for connection. When mothers can name their experiences, they can share them with others, reducing isolation and normalising the complex reality of motherhood. It opens space for empathy, self-compassion, support, and community - a rare but deeply necessary resource in a culture that often isolates mothers. But moreover, when we can understand what a woman is going through, she is seen. Not solely as a mother, but as an individual in her own right, with her own wants and needs.

The Scope of Change in Matrescence

Matrescence is not just about identity. It is an all-encompassing transformation that touches every domain of life:

• Physical: Hormonal shifts, changes in the brain, body image adjustments, sleep disruption, and nutritional needs all shape how a mother experiences herself physically.

• Psychological: Mothers reassess their values, identity, and life goals. They may question their place in the world, exploring who they are beyond the mother role.

• Relational: Relationships with partners, family, friends, and colleagues can change dramatically. New responsibilities, priorities, and time constraints reshape connections.

• Career and Economic: Many mothers experience the “motherhood penalty,” with decreased income and career opportunities, while fathers may experience the opposite phenomenon. Motherhood can prompt a re-evaluation of career goals, a re-ignition of past passions, or a realignment of professional identity.

• Spiritual/Existential: Becoming a mother often raises profound questions about purpose, meaning, and values. Some may experience existential growth, while others feel a deep sense of loss or disorientation.

• Cultural and Social: Motherhood is shaped by social norms, cultural narratives, and expectations, all of which influence how mothers perceive themselves and their choices.

  
  

The simultaneous changes across these domains can feel overwhelming. Some mothers experience this transformation as deeply positive, finding empowerment, growth, and meaning. Others experience uncertainty, stress, or grief over the loss of former identities. Both experiences are valid and reflect the complexity of matrescence.

Matrescence and Maternal Identity

Matrescence is fundamentally about identity - both the becoming and being of a mother. A mother does not enter this stage as a blank slate; she brings complex life experiences, social conditioning, and personal histories that influence her adaptation to motherhood. As children grow and circumstances shift, maternal identity continuously evolves.

This process can spark existential questions: Who am I now? What do I want from my life? How do I reconcile my identity with motherhood? These are not trivial reflections; they are central to matrescence. They invite introspection, self-compassion, and intentionality as mothers navigate the intersections of personal and maternal identity.

The Parallel With Adolescence

There are striking similarities between matrescence and adolescence. Both involve profound physical, emotional, and cognitive changes, shifts in identity, and evolving relationships. However, society treats these experiences very differently. Adolescents are given language, guidance, and social support. Mothers, in contrast, are often expected to “naturally” know how to manage the upheaval, leaving them feeling lost, unsupported, unseen and isolated.

Unlike adolescence, matrescence does not have a fixed endpoint. It is lifelong, evolving as children grow, family dynamics shift, and mothers reassess themselves in the context of their ongoing journey. Recognising matrescence as a continuous developmental stage validates the ongoing challenges and growth mothers experience.

Finding Meaning in Matrescence

Matrescence is more than a phase - it’s a profound, ongoing transformation touching every part of life. Seeing it as such, allows mothers to reframe challenges and moments of doubt not as failures, but as natural aspects of growth. Naming the experience provides a language for understanding, helping to soften shame, reduce isolation, and invite self-compassion.

Finding meaning in matrescence involves embracing change and acknowledging both the joys and the struggles along the way. It is noticing the small shifts in who you are, how your values evolve, and the deeper connection you develop with yourself and your children. It is about allowing yourself to feel seen, understood, and validated, even when the journey feels confusing or messy.

Motherhood is not only about caring for children - it is also about discovering, nurturing, and honouring yourself. Recognising the richness of this transformation enables mothers to move from self-doubt to self-compassion, from isolation to connection, and from overwhelm to a sense of meaning. In embracing matrescence, we give ourselves permission to grow alongside our children, to pause, to reflect, and to honour the profound complexity of becoming, and being, a mother.